Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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