why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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