Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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