the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
