Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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