I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
