In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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