just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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