So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
