Don't make out with my wife yet
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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