I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
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There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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