You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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