She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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