one word: firstdatebathroomanal
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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