Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
