I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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