there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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