You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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