I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize