Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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