I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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