Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
