I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
