if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
