At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
