The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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