just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
