I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
