Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
