When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
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