Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
