did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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