I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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