I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
this will be a night to untag.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
