Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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