I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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