I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize