Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
