Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
