Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
