my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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