my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Randomize
