Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
A+ Viking dick
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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