you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You need a sexual gate keeper
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
