he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
