Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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