I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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