Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
