I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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