it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
