i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I will be naked everywhere
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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