Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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