She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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