Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
