To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i think i just lost a toe
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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