Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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