Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
