Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
