I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
