the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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