is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
