I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
