toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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